A Christmas Message for Everyone

Cheers to small kindnesses and to believing truth over all the lies...

My Gracie, the only other girl in the house.

As you may know, I write a column for my local free weekly paper once a month. Here is the one that ran this past Thursday; I am sharing since most of my subscribers do not live where I do. Also, Merry Christmas to those gearing up for Christmas Eve—my car doors were frozen shut this morning when I attempted to do an emergency run for dog food as well as all the other things I had forgotten to buy despite 27 trips to the store this week. For those celebrating Hanukkah or a different holiday, happy holidays to you and can I borrow some tape?

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We hear constantly about how polarized and divided we are as a nation and as a people. And politically, that is true. Election margins are often razor thin. But most people do not define themselves or create their identity around politics or partisanship (even though social media and cable news outlets often make it seem like we do.) Are there pockets of people for whom politics is the only lens through which they see the world? Sure. But they are a small minority.  

I went Christmas caroling last weekend with a group of adults and kids—it was organized by a local family we’ve gotten to know better since our youngest sons became teammates and friends a few years ago. I couldn’t for the life of me tell you how 90 percent of the people singing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” at the home of a 97-year-old neighbor voted or what their position is on student loan forgiveness, medicare-for-all or gun control. 

This past Sunday the pastor at church shared with us that the ministry had just hosted family Christmas parties at two prisons, one for men and one for women. The church officials heading up the events found out what the sixty seven children wanted for Christmas and then made sure that it was purchased and wrapped so that the incarcerated parent could give it to their child. Beautiful, right?

Based on the reaction in the sanctuary, arguably the most racially diverse room of people anywhere in Rhode Island, everyone was moved by the church’s efforts to bring Christmas, and dignity, to those who will spend the holiday in prison and the people who love them. Our politics, or lack thereof, had no bearing on our appreciation for something wonderful that had happened for adults and children in our community who are currently facing immense challenges. 

This same universal compassion was very much on display last week in the immediate aftermath of the suicide of Stephen “tWitch” Boss, the dancer turned DJ and co-executive producer of the Ellen Degeneres Show. From what I can tell, all who knew him or followed his career, would say he exuded joy and brought happiness to others. And yet, we now know that he was in great pain, battling demons invisible to the public and even to those who knew and loved him. His brain had become too sick to withstand the lies he told himself and, to quote my dear friend from Tennessee, “the lies won.” 

But even a mind that is not ill in the clinical sense tells itself lies. Sometimes the lies tilt toward the positive but for so many, self-talk can be cruel. This internal dialogue of lies can become debilitating—and the holidays can certainly make it worse. 

If a complimentary thought about a stranger enters your mind, say it to them. It might be the only kind thing they hear all day. If you know someone who has a tendency to be hard on themselves, take a moment to build them up. If you know this time of year is especially hard for someone, reach out. Life has taught me that small gestures that seem like they couldn’t possibly make a difference actually do make a difference. 

Don’t believe those who say we are hopelessly divided. We are not. Our humanity is shared. This time of year reminds us of that. 

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all my readers. I appreciate you. 

(If you are in crisis and need help, dial 988 for the crisis and suicide prevention hotline.)

To read the original column in the paper, click here.