Stop Saying That
Parents shaming other parents for not choosing to homeschool is ridiculous and mean
We’ve all been there—something upsetting happens or we’re in a tough situation and well-meaning friends, acquaintances and even strangers swoop in and say the wrong thing. But it’s a big leap from “I can’t believe your kid still isn’t potty trained” and “I’d never let my kid have a cell phone” to “I can’t believe you won’t homeschool your kids.”
If I see one more tweet, Facebook post or ranting video of someone directing parents they don’t know to “pull your kids out of public schools” or “homeschool now,” my head actually might explode. My personal favorite is “if you really love your kids, you’ll get them out of public schools.” Umm, what?
As the parental rights movement explodes across the country and frustrations with deceptive school policies and classroom content boil over, lots of (mostly) well meaning people who already choose not to send their children to public school can’t seem to understand why everyone else isn’t following their lead. And while these unsolicited directives sometimes have a “come on in the water’s fine” flavor to them, they also imply that there is something deficient, irresponsible even, about a parent who doesn’t do what they say.
The vast majority of American parents are never going to homeschool their children no matter how many well-meaning strangers tell them it’s the only solution. The implication that anyone who doesn’t follow this advice doesn’t love their children is not only absurd but also an unfortunate example of how judgmental and insensitive the discourse has become, even between people “on the same side” of what can loosely be called the parental rights movement.
There are days I really do want to ask them, “do you even hear yourself?”
Is homeschooling on the rise since the pandemic? Yes. And that post COVID boom brings us to a whopping 5.4 percent of parents who currently homeschool their children.
There is a tiny contingent out there who believe that homeschooling is not that hard and anyone can do it if they really want to. And I suppose if we take the words “really want to” to mean life or death, then maybe. But the obvious truth is, the overwhelming majority of parents are never going to choose homeschooling for their family. Maybe they don’t have the financial means, maybe they don’t feel qualified or, quite simply, maybe they just don’t want to. Maybe it’s all of the above. I certainly don’t want to (and never wanted to) and I’m quite positive that I love my children. And I was a teacher for ten years!
Some moms seem like they were made to wear their sleeping babies in a wrap while they educate their older children using a purchased curriculum coupled with rich literature and outside excursions. Others just have the perfect temperament. Some dads couldn’t dream of a more fulfilling existence than being their kids’ teacher not only in life but also “in school.” But, for better or worse, this describes a very small fraction of parents.
Do these “get your kids out now no matter what” people have any kids who really love school? Or who play sports? Or regularly perform in school plays? Or play in the marching band? Or run for the cross country team? Or write for the school newspaper? Or compete nationally with their varsity cheerleading squad? Or win interscholastic math competitions? Or just love school? Most parents aren’t about to pull the whole rug out from under their kids because they’re upset about sexually explicit books in the school library and invasive school surveys. There are countless parents all over the country who are deeply frustrated, furious even, with some things about their school yet very satisfied with others; it’s common to hear a parent rail against a terrible policy recently passed by the school board and in the next breath, talk about how much they love and appreciate their child’s teacher or coach.
Life is complicated.
The fact of the matter is, parents have and will always make different decisions about their children’s education for lots of reasons and that is a good thing. Parents who homeschool know very well what it’s like to have strangers cast aspersions on the choice they’ve made for their family; they should keep that in mind before they tell complete strangers to “just pull their kids'' as if it’s as easy as pulling a kid out of a six week session of swim lessons. These decisions are complex and it is the height of cruelty—and ignorance—to question a parents’ love for their children because they choose not to homeschool or aren’t willing to pull the plug on public school.
A slightly different version of this post first ran here the Daily Caller.
Only a third of high school graduates of government schools can read proficiently. It is just as bad for math and other subjects. Only 12% are proficient in American history. (This explains a lot) Knowing this, yes, I wonder why any parent would send their kid to the government that is not even teaching them proficiently. I don't think sports is a good enough reason.
Not to mention that many homeschool kids do sports. Lol In some places, they're able to join the local school's teams. If not that, there is usually sports that are outside of the school. Same for community theaters, music, etc. Homeschool kids actually do, on average, more extracurricular activities than government school kids.
I also reject the argument about affordability that usually comes up. I homeschool and I spend very little. The internet is loaded with everything you need. There are sites that offer curriculum for free if need be. I would supplement with other things, but you can also get that online. There is also sites that have reviewed most of what you can find for homeschooling. There is also micro-schools/pod schools today. Join one or create one.
The excuse about not having the time due to working parents is also not sufficient. It actually takes less time to homeschool than government school takes and it can be done around the family schedule.
Parents actually need to keep pushing non-homeschool parents. (They can be nice about it) Keep spreading the ills of government school and tell the other parents that they CAN do it. There's no excuse not to.
We have children right now who can't do basic math or read proficiently. This matters to all of us. They're going to be the ones working in all careers in the future. They're going to be building bridges and being doctors. Other countries are teaching their kids advanced skills while we are teaching ours to be activists and "other ways of knowing" while continually lowering standards. They're also tinkering around in their brains with this social emotional learning stuff. The government schools are absolutely failing them. It is FAR more than just porn books in the library. (That is also an issue though) So, yeah, I judge parents who know all of these things and still keep their child in government schools. Sorry. 🤷🏻♀️ I used to have my child in them too...until someone else pushed me.
I understand parents being upset hearing that they must pull their children out of public schools. However, the truth is that parents who believe they still can afford sending their kids to public schools are either have enough connections to make sure their kids wouldn't be hurt, or are too naive, and are ignorant about available educational options.
I cannot tell for every state, but most of them are allow micro-schools and homeschooling coops in which several families can cooperate together, that homeschooling doesn't require following a schedule designed for a class with 20+ children and takes lots less time, and that in many school districts homeschooling children are permitted to attend classes of their choice and after-school activities.
The main difference between parents who decided not to let schools use their children as Teachers' Unions property is that they are looking for solutions and parents who continue sending children to public schools are looking for excuses why it's impossible for them to not to do it.
I remember well-meaning people shaming me for spending too much time with my children instead of spending this time working for the corporate world and building career. I was not expected to reply "Stop Saying That." Why do you think it's OK to shame mothers for not wanting substitute motherhood with the government but it's not OK to shame mothers who insist that government is the only option and motherhood is too difficult?